


Repeat After Me

by snarkymuch



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Adderall Abuse, Angst, Drug Addiction, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Secrets, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:32:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28419915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snarkymuch/pseuds/snarkymuch
Summary: Written for this prompt on tumblr:I think it would be really interesting to see Peter starting to abuse Adderall in order to study or finish college applications or something! Like if Peter was super jittery and on edge and Tony discovering the pills and just like all the angst pleaseeeeeeORPeter abuses Adderall and Tony finds out
Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Comments: 30
Kudos: 235





	Repeat After Me

**Author's Note:**

> This has only been reread by me once so this could be a hot mess. I was going to wait until tomorrow to post but patience is not a virtue I have. I hope my anon on tumblr likes this!

“Be right out,” Peter called over his shoulder towards the door of his room. Quicky, he shook out another pill from the bottle and popped it into his mouth, swallowing it down with a grimace. He stuffed the bottle back into his bag, shoving his hoodie on top and zipping the backpack closed. 

Using Adderall had started simply enough. It wasn’t like Peter didn’t know where to get them. In a STEM school, a lot of kids used them to study, and it wasn’t like these were real drugs, not like heroin or speed. Okay, maybe they shared some molecular similarities to drugs like meth, but they were still different, and these were prescribed, just not to him. They were totally safe, though. 

That was what he told himself anyway. 

Peter charged out the door to his room, slinging his backpack onto his shoulders and nearly tripping over his own feet. He was running late. Happy would be there any minute to pick him up to go upstate for the weekend. Tony had given him his room at the compound, and they planned to spend the next few days working on some projects and going over college choices, though Tony had already made his favorite known. He wanted Peter to attend MIT, just like he had. Peter hadn’t written the option off, but he wanted to stay closer to home if he could. 

May peeked out of the kitchen and rolled her eyes as Peter patted at his hair, trying to tame it. 

“You should really eat something before you go,” May said, wiping her hands on a towel and throwing it over her shoulder. “It’s a long ride.”

Peter’s brows went up, and he blinked. “Oh, yeah, maybe. I can just grab a granola bar or something.”

She shook her head and went back into the kitchen, appearing again a moment later with a brown paper bag. She held it out to him, and Peter smiled, walking over to her. 

“Don’t get too excited. It’s just a tuna sandwich and a few Powerbars. I’m not going to responsible for you passing out. Don’t think I haven’t noticed how jittery you’ve been lately.”

Peter took the bag, looking inside. He grabbed a Powerbar and tore into it with his teeth. Truth be told, his appetite wasn’t that great since he’d started using Adderall, but he didn’t want to worry May. Taking a bite, he spoke around his mouthful. “Thanks, May.”

His phone vibrated in his pocket. Holding the Powerbar between his teeth, he dug out his phone. It was a message from Happy saying he was out front. He typed a quick reply, saying he would be right there, then stuffed his phone back into his pocket, took the Powerbar out of his mouth, and said goodbye to May. 

The ride to the compound was quiet, and Peter used the time to work on his Physics homework. He had a lot to catch up on after a Spider-Man related injury took him out of school for three days last week. He’d finally been able to get most of his work caught up with the help of the pills. They allowed him to get into the zone and focus in a way he couldn’t otherwise. 

It was like time was irrelevant when he was using them. He didn’t feel it pass. Everything around him blurred out, and he could give the project he was working on his full attention. It felt good, even if it made him a little shaky and his heartbeat a bit too fast, but that was only because Peter needed to use more than the average person. He could burn through twenty milligrams in an hour or two, so he had to keep popping them on the days he wanted to get things done. 

But that had created even more of a problem, not that he would admit it.

When the drug wore off, he’d crash hard, feeling depressed and tired and like his body was moving through cold molasses. Another pill always made the feeling go away, but he didn’t have an endless supply, and they cost a lot of money. 

He didn’t like to think about it, but he’d used some of the money Tony had given for his college fund to buy them. It wasn’t like it made a dent in the account. The saving account had an obscene amount of money in it. Peter had always thought that what he didn’t use for college, he would donate to charity. Using it for drugs made Peter feel a little sick, but he reasoned that buying the Adderall did go towards his future. They ensured he could study and get good grades. 

He finished the last of his homework as the car pulled through the gate at the compound. The Adderall Peter had taken at home before he left had already worn off, but that was fine because he’d gotten a bottle of sixty just the other day, so he had plenty. 

Peter didn’t stop at his room. Instead, he went straight to the workshop, backpack over his shoulder.

The door to the workshop opened with a whoosh, and Peter winced at the loud music. When he stepped into the room, Friday lowered the volume, and Tony straightened from the workbench he was stooped over, bracing his back with a hand and stretching. He turned to Peter and smiled. 

“Hey, kid.” Tony wiped his hands off on his jeans. “Got an engine from one of my babies taken apart, doing a rebuild. I could use your hands if you want to help.”

Peter’s gaze flitted over the tools and parts. His knowledge of engines was all academic, nothing hands-on, but he was willing to learn. “Sure, I just need to, um—” He motioned to the bathroom.

Tony waved toward the shelf. “Grab one of the welding helmets on your way back. You’ll need it.”

Peter nodded, jogging toward the bathroom, but Tony’s voice made him stop.

“You know you can leave your bag here, right? Just saying, might be easier, but what do I know?”

Peter’s mouth twitched, and his grip tightened on the strap over his shoulder. He’d wanted to take another Adderall before they started working, but he couldn’t do that with Tony watching. Forcing a smile, he said, “Right, yeah, what was I thinking?”

He tossed his bag into one of the chairs and walked off to the bathroom. 

When he got out, he grabbed a helmet like Tony had asked and went to stand beside him. 

“Ever weld before?” Tony asked, his own helmet flipped up. 

“No?”

“You don’t sound sure.”

Peter blinked. “I tried it in shop class last year, but it didn’t go well. I may have started a fire.”

Tony’s eyebrows lifted, and Peter rushed to explain. 

“A small fire, barely counted as a fire, really, and I may have dropped some molten metal on my shoe, but it was fine.”

“Put your helmet on.” Tony nodded at it. “I’ll explain what I’m doing, and then you can try, and we’ll try to avoid any fires or close calls with death.”

Peter rolled his eyes. “It wasn’t that bad.”

“Sure, kid.”

Peter watched Tony, trying to listen and focus, but the heavy feeling he didn’t like was seeping into his bones. He was starting to crash, and it made it so hard to focus. After watching for a little while, Tony gave him the tools and guided him on how to start. He didn’t start any fires, but he didn’t do that good of a job. Where Tony had welded what looked like a neat row of stacked dimes, Peter had burned through the metal and left globs all over. 

He was just about to try again when the welder turned off. Peter set the tools down and flipped up his mask to look at Tony, who had taken his off. 

Running a hand through his hair, Tony shook his head and then leaned his hip against the workbench. ”Is everything all right? Are you getting enough sleep? Enough to eat, all the good things like that?”

Peter took his helmet off and set it on the workbench. He wiped his brow, frowning a little. “Yeah, yeah, everything’s fine.”

“It just doesn’t seem like you’re fully switched on today. You don’t seem too excited to be here right now.”

Peter’s eyes went wide. “No, no. I’m really happy to be here. I loved learning about welding and stuff, but yeah, you’re right. I guess I’m having an off day. It’s nothing big, though. I guess I didn’t sleep that well.”

Tony nodded a few times, scrubbing a hand over his mouth. “Yeah, well, how about we call it quits and grab some food. We can try again tomorrow after you’ve had a good night’s sleep.”

Peter was really feeling the crash by the time they finished dinner, so he retired to his room, skipping their traditional Friday night movie. Tony seemed disappointed, but Peter felt too awful to stay awake any longer. He’d only had two Adderall that day instead of the four he usually took. It seemed the lack of his usual dose was leaving him feeling crappier than usual. 

Thankfully, he was able to sleep, and when he woke up the next morning, the first thing he did was take two pills. He didn’t usually do that unless he had to study because it made him jittery, but he was afraid of feeling crappy again. He craved the rush and the way they sharpened his thoughts, adding clarity to his thinking. He wanted to make up for his off day yesterday and show Tony how well he could do. 

After showering and getting dressed, he went to the kitchen to find Tony. He was dressed and making breakfast. Peter didn’t feel hungry at all, though, not in the slightest. Whenever he took two pills at once, he almost had an aversion to food. 

The smell of the eggs cooking made Peter’s nose wrinkle. 

“Morning, Pete,” Tony said, lifting the pan and scrapping some scrambled eggs onto a plate. “Friday said you were up. I made eggs, and not to brag, but I even added cheese without burning them.”

Peter tried to smile even though the last thing he wanted to do was eat. He took a seat at the breakfast bar, and Tony set a plate down in front of him. He tried to hide his grimace, but Tony must have noticed the look when he turned to pass Peter a fork. 

“Why do you look like you’d rather gnaw off an arm than eat my masterful creation?” He stepped around the counter and pressed the back of his hand to Peter’s cheek, then his forehead as Peter tried to worm away. “You don’t feel warm.”

Peter’s knee began to bounce as the pills started to really hit his system. He grabbed his fork and stabbed some of the eggs. “It’s nothing. I’m fine.”

“Having another off day? Did you sleep okay?”

Peter sucked in a breath, clenching his jaw shut for a second before speaking. His temper was always touchy after he’d taken a double dose. “I’m really fine. I’m not sick or anything. I slept good. Really, everything’s good, Mr. Stark.”

Tony crossed his arms, eyes raking over Peter before he nodded and went to eat his eggs. 

After breakfast, Peter followed Tony to the workshop, but today he had planned better. In his pocket were four more pills, enough to keep himself going until bed plus some. 

Tony had Peter weld again, and this time he did much better, though his hands were a little shaky. If Tony noticed, he didn’t say anything. When the high started to wear off, Peter excused himself to the bathroom and took two more pills. He normally didn’t take so many in a day, but he really didn’t want to crash around Tony again. 

The only problem was that it made Peter jittery and on edge, his temper shorter than usual. The slightest things grated on his nerves, like how Tony kept rocking his coffee cup back and forth on the workbench. It was the only sound Peter seemed to be able to hear, and it was driving him over the edge. The rush he’d gotten from the pills today wasn’t a good one. He shouldn’t have taken so many, and now he was paying the price. 

His heart rate was too fast, and Tony wouldn’t stop rocking his cup back and forth, the clock kept ticking on the wall, and before he knew it, the pencil he was holding snapped, making everything in the room come to a halt. 

Tony looked over at him, eyes dropping to the broken pencil in his hand. He lifted his gaze to Peter’s eyes, brows raised in question. 

“Pete?”

Peter swallowed, setting the broken pencil on the table. “Yeah, yeah, everything’s—”

“Fine,” Tony finished for him. “Yeah, you keep saying that.” The man frowned as he looked at Peter’s hands, which were gripping his thighs so tight the tips of his fingers were white. “Let’s try this again, and this time, why don’t we try the truth.”

Peter bit his lip, rubbing his hands on his jeans, his knees bouncing. He nodded a few times quickly. “Okay.”

Tony studied him for a few seconds, then scratched at his goatee. “You know, if I didn’t know you like I did, I’d say you’d were on something right now.”

Peter tensed. ‘I’m not—I didn’t take anything.”

“Kid, relax. You’re going to vibrate off the stool. I know you wouldn’t.”

Peter immediately felt guilty. He hated lying, and here he was, doing it straight to Tony’s face. He tried to settle himself down, but he was on edge. “It’s nothing, really, Mr. Stark.”

“So you’ve said.” Tony shook his head, looking at the wall behind Peter before fixing his gaze on him. “You didn’t sneak a Red Bull again, did you?”

“Uh, no,” he said too quickly, then corrected with a lie. “I mean, yes. I did. I had two. I know I’m not supposed to, but I didn’t want to be tired.”

The lie tasted like ash on his tongue. 

Tony sighed. “Well, let’s finish up what we’re doing, and then we can grab some lunch. Hopefully, that freaky metabolism of yours will burn through it soon.”

After lunch, Peter started to crash hard. His body felt heavy and tired, and everything ached. His thoughts felt caught in a thick soup. They were supposed to go back to the workshop, and Peter didn’t want to be tired again, so before he left the kitchen, he reached in his pocket and pulled out the pills. His hand hesitated over the pills as he decided how many to take. He was so caught up in his thought that he didn’t hear Tony approach until he cleared his throat, making Peter jump and nearly drop the pills. 

Tony’s sharp gaze was cutting through him, his expression unreadable, and Peter knew he was caught, but he still tried to hide his handful of pills behind him. 

“Mr. Stark,” he croaked, shaking a little. “I was just coming down to meet you.”

Tony’s mouth twitched downward, and then his eyes fell to Peter’s hand. “Whatcha got there, Pete?”

Peter’s hand tightened around the pills, and he swallowed. “Um, these?” He lifted his hand without opening it. “These are just, um, vitamins. Yeah, they’re, uh, vitamins to help me focus.”

Tony’s shoulders fell, and he seemed to deflate. Closing his eyes for a second, he took a breath and then looked at Peter again. “God, help me. You’re a terrible liar.”

“I’m not—”

“Ah.” Tony put up his hand. “The adult is talking.”

“Sorry,” Peter mumbled, looking down. His palms were starting to sweat, and he imagined the pills were getting gross clenched in his hand. “I’ll be quiet.”

“What are they, Peter? And don’t lie because you know I will figure it out.”

Peter looked down at his feet and mumbled the answer.

“I didn’t quite catch that. Try again,” Tony said, tone softer than Peter deserved.

“It’s—they’re Adderall.” And Peter chanced a look at Tony, whose expression was tight. Peter couldn’t hold his gaze, so he looked away. The pills in his hand felt heavier than they should. He regretted everything. He wished he could go back in time and punch himself for being so stupid and buying them in the first place. 

Tony sighed, then said, “Are they yours? Are they prescribed to you?”

Peter shook his head.

“Yeah, this is—fuck, Peter.”

“I’m sorry.” Tears pricked at his eyes, and he sniffled. “It just happened. They helped with studying, and then—I don’t know. I just—I just lost control. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen.”

“You mean you didn’t intend to get caught.”

Peter’s head snapped up, his head shaking. “No, I mean, yeah, getting caught sucks, but I really didn’t mean to get—to get … addicted.” The last word was a whisper, but Tony heard him because his eyes softened, and he rubbed his jaw.

“I wanted you to be better than me.” Tony breathed. “I went down this road, maybe not with Adderall, but with other drugs. Addiction is an asshole that will never leave you alone once you’ve met. This is going to be a part of you for the rest of your life, kid. I just wanted better for you.” 

“I really am sorry.”

“I know.” Tony nodded. “We’re gonna start with you handing over whatever you got there and anything else you brought, then you’re going to sit and watch TV while I figure out the next step. I don’t want this to ruin your life, Peter.”

“Do we have to tell May? She’ll kill me.”

Tony gave him a look, eyebrows raised and head tilted to the side. “I think you know the answer to that.”

“Yeah, okay.”

Tony held out a hand, wiggling his fingers, and sighing, Peter unclenched his fist and placed the pills in Tony’s hand. It felt terrible and relieving to hand them over. He wouldn’t be able to relieve the crash or get that rush again, but he also didn’t need to worry anymore. He’d gotten in over his head, and for the first time in a while, he didn’t feel like he was drowning.

Tony stuffed the pills into his pocket and put a hand on Peter’s shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. “It’s gonna be okay, kid. It might not feel like it right now, but we’ll figure this out. Let’s get the rest of these pills taken care of. Then we can talk some more.”

Peter nodded and led Tony to his room. He dug the bottle out of his bag and passed them to Tony.

Examining the bottle, Tony said, “This why you wanted to bring the backpack into the bathroom?”

“Yeah, sorry.”

Tony hummed. “Do I want to know how you afforded them?”

Tears welled in Peter’s eyes. He knew he had to tell Tony, but he didn’t want to see the disappointment on his face when he said the words. Taking a breath, he said to the floor, “College savings. They didn’t even ask why. They just let me take the money out.”

Tony sighed, putting the bottle in his pocket. “Yeah, I can honestly say I never thought to put restrictions on your account.”

Tears rolled down Peter’s cheeks. He swiped at them with his sleeve. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

Then Tony was there, pulling him to his chest, and Peter buried his face against his neck.

“There’s nothing wrong with you. You made a mistake. It happens to the best of us. I can solidly say to some more than others. Like how I spent most of the nineties making shitty decisions.”

That just made him cry harder for some reason. Everything felt like too much. Sobs wracked his frame, and everything he had held in, all the lies and half-truths, they poured out as tears. Tony pressed his lips to Peter’s hair and murmured nonsense about how it would be all be okay, but how could it be. He screwed up so badly.

When Peter’s tears tapered off, Tony gave him a squeeze and then pulled back to look at him. “Okay, let’s get you settled.” He swiped a tear from Peter’s cheek with his thumb. “I need to do a little research and make a few calls, but you’re gonna be all right, kiddo. I’ll make sure of it.”

“Thank you.”

Peter felt anxious about what the future held. He wasn’t ready to confront May, and he didn’t know if he could survive without feeling that buzz of energy again, but he felt reassured. As long as he had Tony to guide him, all he needed to do was follow. Even if he didn’t know the path, Tony did, so he knew he would make it back from this okay.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you liked it :)  
> You can find me on tumblr [here](https://snarky-drabbles.tumblr.com/). I'm @snarky-drabbles


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